


The Talk

by Kiterie



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-02-14
Updated: 2009-02-14
Packaged: 2017-11-28 22:12:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/679429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiterie/pseuds/Kiterie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone gets 'The Talk' whether they want it or not, even if the one giving it doesn't want to explain things anymore than they want to hear it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Talk

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for an RP I did on Naruto 404 with GenxIru. Atsushi is a character I created to use for Iruka's Jounin sensei.

Atsushi slid a shot glass over to the genin then swallowed his and poured himself another. Kami, he did not want to do this. And, he cursed his old friend Kenshin for dying before his son had hit puberty. This should have been his job, his torment, but no the bastard had gone and died and left it to him. "Fucking karma," he muttered.

"What?" Iruka asked from his place across the table, the sake untouched.

"Drink it, that's all you're getting but it should be enough to keep you from blushing and passing out on me." It was no surprise the boy was so easily embarrassed, his father had been the same damn way. And, it was just Atsushi's luck that the boy hadn't taken after his loud, obnoxious, fiend of a mother. Then again he probably wouldn't be having this discussion, instead he'd be getting yelled at by the hokage to keep the kid on a leash. That woman had been randier than any man he knew. He'd been surprised that she'd settled down with Kenshin the way she had.

He watched as Iruka took a sip from the glass and made a face. The accompanying statement that it was gross made him laugh.

"Do I have to drink it?" the young teen asked, pouting slightly like he was being asked to eat his veggies.

"Yes, because you're father should be stuck with this, but guess it's going to be me. Better me than have you find out another way and have to drag your ass out of the mess." He muttered the words, wondering where the hell he should start.

Pinching his nose, Iruka downed the remaining liquid in the glass the way one would a truly nasty cough medicine, then promptly started downing water from another glass beside him.

Deciding it was best to just jump in he shrugged and picked something basic. "Have you even kissed a girl yet?"

Iruka blushed shaking his head and Atsushi groaned, realizing exactly how much like Kenshin the boy really was, his temper and pranks aside.

"Well... okay..." he muttered, frowning. "Guess that's better than being too late with all this..." Downing another shot, he considered what was important and what he could leave out. "Kissing's not hard, just don't go around kissing everyone and you'll be okay."

The statement earned another blush and Atsushi decided he was definitely going to need more sake for this, he had way too high of a tolerance and for once that was a bad thing. Ordering another bottle he rubbed his temples and stared at the empty glass for a moment. "First of all if the girl says to stop or says no, you had better fucking stop. If I find out, she did and you didn't... I will personally string you up by your toes and leave you there until she decides you can get down."

The brown eyes widen and the boy paled visibly at the threat. Good, I doubt that part will be a problem then. Pouring the last of the first bottle of sake, Atsushi reached over and patted him on the head. "Don't look so worried, if a girl tries to push you into something I'll do the same to her." And then he paused and considered things for a moment. "Or... well boy... if that turns out to be the case."

"Okay so um, a girl... or well boy, if you're kissing her... or well him..." He started then took another swallow. Now that the stupid possibility had entered his head he couldn't let it go. Not that he would be bothered by Iruka being gay, it was just that he didn't know much about the matter. Stick to the basics, old man. "Go slow, don't just slobber all over her er them, she, er they are not an ice cream cone and you're not a dog." His student flushed at the advice but nodded and he took another long drink and poured one for Iruka almost as an apology that the kid had to sit through his fumbling that was both a lecture and advice.

"Be gentle, unless they ask for it. Even then don't get too rough. You shouldn't hurt them, especially if you don't know exactly what you're doing." Shinobi often played rough, and he was very aware of the fact. But, Iruka was barely a genin and until he learned better control of his movements and the responses they caused it was best if the kid didn't try to do something and accidentally cause the other undo harm.

There were longer pauses between now between the sentences, as he tried to gather his thoughts and found it was harder to do now that the alcohol was starting to spread through his system. He relaxed a little, very little, and started explaining other things, like errogenous zones and how to tell if the other liked what they were doing. It was probably more than Iruka wanted to hear since it was definitely more than Atsushi wanted to remember saying, but the kid had to hear it from somebody and better him than some teenaged brat who doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about.

"A girl's body produces it's own lube, if she's dry you should drag it out more," Atsushi mumbled still more than a little uncomfortable. "Er... and if you turn out to er... like boys... well a boy doesn't so um... they sell stuff for that but lotion or oil works to... and er if he's..." Atsushi flushed darker, the subject matter outweighing the topic yet again. "...enjoying things, he'll um... well uh you know if you're enjoying it how you react, he'd be the same way."

Still a rather dark shade of red, the eleven-year-old nodded and stared at his glass of water like it was the most interesting thing in entire world. Atsushi wondered if the flush was stictly embarrassment or if Iruka was starting to feel the alcohol. "Drink up," he said pushing the water towards the boy. "Keep you from feeling like shit tomorrow." Iruka downed the water and the waitress came over and filled the glass as well as leaving another bottle of Sake.

Two hours from when they'd sat down to the uncomfortable conversation, Atsushi carried the kid over to his house a block away and laid him on the couch. He left a pail beside the edge of the couch and covered him with a blanket. "Heaven help me if you turn into your mother..." he whispered, thinking of Takara and chasing her through half the bars in town and out of the beds of half of the shinobi they knew... if not more. "Kami, I hope you've only gotten her brattiness," The red-head muttered, padding over and flipping the light off before heading to his own bed and his new wife who he intended to blame for the entire night.

Aimi had insisted that he get the dreaded conversation over with. Although, she hadn't suggested he get the kid drunk in the process and would likely be angry with him for doing so. He slid into bed beside her and pulled her close. "Evil woman..." he grumbled, earning only the slightest murmur from the sleeping Aimi. But even as he drifted off he hoped she was right and Iruka would listen to the advice even if it was embarrassing and garbled by alcohol. Don't worry Iru-kun, even if you don't, I'll look out for you.


End file.
